pup love

Ok, so a lot has happened since the last time I last blogged. And I feel like I start off blogging this way most of the time, sorry I'm going to have to get use to blogging but anywayyyy  I AM GOING TO KENYA IN JULY!!! Praise the Lord!! Thank you Jesus for blessing me and show me according to my way. A lot of you followers know that the kids in Ghana have my heart and as I was talking to my good sister and friend Audrey, I told her that I think its selfish of me to want to go to Ghana because its where I want to go, not necessarily where the Lord wants me to go and I don't know if I would be going to go for the wrong reasons. It weighed heavily on my heart. and she prayed for me a lot. The Lord opened up his doors for me to go to Kenya, and it would be selfish of me to deny my calling. So here I am, traveling to the other side of Africa... kenya! And Lord knows it will be an adventure. If you are interested in sponsorship, please please let me know! I still have about 2,500$ left to go and need all your help... along with all the prayers as the Lord prepares my heart spiritually and emotionally.

Here we go.... I got the call (or two) Sunday morning around 9. I was sleepin in just enough to make it in time for 11:00 service at church. I called Aunt Caroline back. She was crying. Its just so sad Catherine its just so sad. What I kept yelling. She told me they had to put heidi to sleep. Little heidi. my little baby. Holding back the tears and barely breathing, I listened to her as she went on to tell me a dog had attacked her and she found her lying on the porch in blood. They rushed her to the vet, two options- surgery or put her down. The vet assured Aunt Caroline that heidi was too weak and had already lost a lot of blood, she was just in shock and it would be hard for her to undergo surgery. I got off the phone. I couldn't really walk. It was terrible. The worst news ever. Who could have ever thought you could be so upset and devastated over an animal? I sure was. I cried and cried all morning. I couldnt bring myself to make it to church. I was just too devastated! It couldn't be real. Is this really happening? Already twice in one year, just within three months, I've gotten the worst shocking unexpected news ever! It couldn't be happening again, especially not this soon... and my baby!

As you can see, from all the pictures of this baby lined up along my blogs, and all the pictures in my room, all the pictures of her on my facebook page and sure enough EVERY picture taken on my phone was basically... of her. We had plenty of photo shoots to say the less. Everyone knew how much I adored this dog. Seriously. People say I took care of her. She took care of me. Every time I saw her, she loved to see me. She was never mad at me and was there for me through everything. This may be weird or strange to some people, but this dog was in deed my best friend. She followed me around, she slept with me, she would sit at the back door and cry when I would leave my house, she went on plenty of vacations to Memphis to visit me, she couldn't even stand being apart from me that she jumped in the shower once just to be with me! This dog literally made me happy. Yes, she was not my dog but she grew into be my best friend. And I miss this best friend so much right now. I loved this dog so much that I even would find rides for her left and right to get from West Point to Memphis, and go back.... (I'm sure my friends got annoyed with me asking all the time to pick her up and bring her home... sowwy friends) 

At sunday lunch we said a prayer for Heidi. As I was sitting in class tonight my phone rang. It was hunter. I had forgotten I had set all the Atkins' familys pictures when they call me to Heidi. the phone rang and rang displaying her picture. In the middle of an astronomy lecture I sat in my chair crying. Today I have found myself questioning all sorts of things. See, Heidi was suppose to stay with me this week while they were out of town. My friend Lindsey was suppose to bring heidi here on Thursday and she was suppose to go back a week and a few days later. What if Lindsey had brought her here? What if Heidi was here with me, in memphis like the original plan? What if they had found her on the porch earlier? What if what if what if. I have beat myself up all day with these what ifs. I have beat myself up saying I should have been there for her. I should have been the one to find her and take her to the vet, why didnt they do surgery on her? I would have been the one to spend the night in the hospital with her, do whatever I could for her. Every time I did something she liked, she would lick my hands. As much as I hated that I wish so bad that I could have been the one to wrap her up and take her to the vet just rubbing her face while she was licking me. Knowing she was comforted and I was there. I'm so mad at myself that I wasn't there. I know shes not technically mine, and people may not understand any of this, but Heidi and I had a little connection. We just got each other. Maybe thats why she followed me around so much.

Funny story... over the summer I begged my mom for Heidi to come stay with us for a week or so. She said no. no no no all I heard. So while she went to Las Vegas and I had the house to myself for a week I decided it was time for Heidi to try out city life and sure enough me and lauren trecked down to WP and picked her up. Mom got home a few days later came in my room and found heidi on my bed. she was not happy. she yelled and yelled and yelled. she even called aunt caroline once and kinda let her have it. heidi only wanted a vacation, i mean it was summer after all wasnt it? that night i had to go to work, after my mom bickered and yelled about heidi I walked in the door to see heidi laying in my moms lap and my mom just rubbing and loving on her. See she does like having heidi around. She started getting use to heidi and when I went on a church retreat a couple weeks ago and heidi had to be left alone for the weekend at the house with mom and mike, mom said she loved having her there. She followed mike around and mike did everything for her. I even walked inside one afternoon, questioning why heidi wasn't at the back door waiting for me to get home. i asked mom where heidi was she said shes in her room taking a nap with mike. sure enough heidi was propped up in that bed sharing a pillow with mike. Mom joked around and told me not to tell anyone. I don't think she wanted aunt caroline to know she really liked having heidi around after she spend just 30 minutes with her. 

Proof:

mom loved heidi.

I can't stop thinking about her. I can't stop thinking about what if she was here with me right now. I can't stop reliving the memories with her. I miss her being propped up in my bed right now. I feel like I've let her down but I know in the long run that dog was spoiled rotten. I did everything for her and I know we let her live a great life. I want to thank Aunt Caroline and the rest of the Atkins for letting me be a part of that dogs life and I want to thank them for allowing her many vacations spent in Memphis. I know and I am sure that she had lots of adventurous vacations and she better be coming back to Memphis to check up on things wishing she were here. I never ever in a million years thought that I could be this upset over a dog. But this dog wasn't just a dog, she was my best friend. And this is hard... but shes up in heaven waggin her stuff right now and i sure do miss you my heidiho!! 

just to remise the good times we had together....

miss you sweet thang!!!