Updates from kenya

This is catherine's mom, Frances hoping that I can update catherine's blog for her while she is away. Someone asked me if I was worried about her going on the mission trip to Kenya. I quickly said, "oh no, Catherine has been to Africa on two other mission trips. I did all my worrying the first time she went.". Truth is, I am worried about her. She can only send 50 free text messages before she starts getting charged. She does not get charged if you send her a text, only if she goes over 50. Anyway, I told her to only text me every other day. She texted when she landed and send me a pic of her on the plane. Then, today she said they still had not received their luggage. Everything was lost. She said a woman that was very poor and her home recently burned, heard of them not getting their luggage and went to buy them clothing. These were catherine's words.

"crazy how people here have nothing yet are so willing to give. Makes you appreciate everything.". Wow! This reminded me of the poor woman in the Bible who put all she had into the offering. I remember that story being told so often as a child. Catherine had asked for prayers that they will soon receive their luggage. One of her bags was filled with medical supplies and I know the town needs the supplies more than they need their clothing.

Anyway, back to why I'm worried. She sent me another text later and said she has been throwing up and cannot keep anything down. They are taking her to the doctor. All her food is in her suitcase, so I'm sure this is not helping. Anyway, please say prayers for her bags to arrive and for her to get well so she can do God's work. Thank you all for prayers, support and for your love while she is away. I'll update again when I have word.

In His name,
Frances

Chicago Paris Kenya

We just arrived to Chicago and are about to board the lonnmmmmg flight to Paris!!! I just checked my ticket thank goodness I have an aisle seat in the middle section of the plane. It's going to be a long flight so good thing I am prepared with my melatonin (life savor)

I'm exhausted to say the least! It's been a pretty long day. We will arrive in Paris around 3 or 4 am America time for all you people worrying about me back home :) don't worry I'm safe! Hopefully I can update when we get to Paris. But after Paris we have a couple hours until KENYA! Only about another day of traveling left to go... I don't know how I'm going to make it but we will :)

Love you all blessings all around :)
Xoxo,
Catherine

KENYA: ADVENTURE BEGINS TOMORROW!

THE KENYAN ADVENTURE BEGINS TOMORROW!

Theres plenty mixed emotions and so suddenly the time has come! I will be leaving for Kenya tomorrow morning. We will fly from Memphis to Chicago to Paris to finally Nirobi (sp?) in Kenya!

Please pray for safe travels.
I will miss everyone back home.
Love you guys lots.
And I will try and update this blog as much as possible (or can update my mom and she can update my blog if there is no internet access.

Much love,
Catherine

dreams and aspirations

"I was there because I knew that you would not be there"

Make your dreams become a reality!!!

"You can't start without knowing thyself"

I encourage everyone to find their passion. What makes them happy. What do you feel. There is a reason you are here. What is your reason? This is how I plan to change the lives of the children and people I encounter throughout my lifetime. Sure enough, I am blessed beyond belief because I know my calling and my dreams are becoming a reality. My dreams are not only my dreams, but the dreams of others because it has been very clear to me that I am here to change the lives of others. Listen. Advise. Encourage. Comfort. Change. Despite what I do in life, I care about people. And I will care about the peoples lives who I come across. The video speaks for itself; however, you can't find your missing piece without finding yourself first. Before you do anything, make yourself whole. In order to be successful and find your passion, you must deal with yourself first.

Relationships:

You can't fit in a missing piece. In order to deal with someone else in your life, you yourself must be whole and complete. Worry about yourself before you worry about others. No relationship will work until you make yourself whole, until you care about yourself first. Nothing can fulfill your expectations and your desires and happiness. Only you can fulfill your happiness, and nothing will be fulfilling and joyful unless you fulfill yourself first- by yourself. 

With this all being said, you can't force something to fit. to work. to fulfill. You must adapt and change to fit your priorities before you can do anything with your life- including your passions. Your passion will determine your calling, which will determine your major (lifelong goal), which will determine your own fulfillment, which will determine your happiness and relationships with others, which will finally determine your life and your self.... AND THEN all of your hopes, dreams, and aspirations will become a reality. It all starts with passion, and it all starts within. 

We are all here for a reason. What's your reason?

With love always,

Catherine

thoughts of the soul

eggs. bunnies. candy. food. family. friends. celebration. 

Acts 13:34-35
And as for the fact that he raised him from the dead, no more to return to corruption, he has spoken in this way, “‘I will give you the holy and sure blessings of David.’ Therefore he says also in another psalm, “‘You will not let your Holy One see corruption.’

What's it mean to you? What's the celebration all about? Here comes another holiday.... but who is in favor of it? Ourselves? Our family? Our friends? We always tend to center our thoughts and festivities around ourselves and usually forget to take the time to stop and enjoy the blessing of life He gave us. It seems to me that holidays are usually stressful with all the family coming in town, all the food to prepare, the presents to place in the kids Easter baskets- the "usual" stressful lives of Americans.

I don't even know the reason behind Easter presents. I don't even understand the meaning of bunnies, eggs, candy. Is that really what Easter is about? Because our society sure does place the emphasis pretty well on the "necessities." However, I believe that we usually forget the real meaning behind the holidays. Why is it that around this time of year particularly on Easter Sunday that lots of American families go to church just this one Sunday. They are not regular attendees and feel they can get the "Christian fix" by attending church this one Sunday out of the 2-3 times a year they do attend. It seems to me that this is always the case around holidays such as Easter and Christmas. Church is crowded, and you most likely see lots of faces you do not recognize.

Why do people think it is ok to receive presents on Easter when they are not taking the time to celebrate the Resurrection of the one and the merciful. Personally, I just don't understand the meaning behind "Easter presents." Sure its fun when I was little because I was always excited the Easter bunny was coming to see me and leave me presents in my little Easter basket sitting on the fireplace. But why? Why was he leaving me presents? And since our society has been so overwhelmed and sucked into a life of consumption, we are teaching our children that it is acceptable and normative to accept presents on Easter, however, failing to teach them of the importance on the life of Jesus Christ (the reason we are all here today) and His resurrection.

Theses are just thoughts of the soul today, and I just wish that our society and our Christian fellowship lives would rather place an emphasis on the resurrection rather than the Easter eggs, the Easter bunny, the candy, and most importantly the taken for granted Easter presents. My prayers go out to all my family members and friends this Easter Sunday that they will be strong in faith and persevere and reflect on the life of Jesus Christ, rather than being sucked into the festivities. Besides, isn't He the reason we're here today?

AMAZING PASSAGE:

Luke 24:1-12

***please take time to read and reflect!***

With love,

Catherine

you are only as strong...

You are only as strong as you set your mind to believe. 

You are only as strong as your weakest link.

"I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live." Ecclesiastes 3:12

Have people hurt you? Have you lived some of your life of pain? What determines your pain? Who determines your own weaknesses? Have you ever realized that YOU determine your OWN happiness? This concept makes me so at peace. Why would you let someone who hurts you control you? This is the only realistic view if you are living a painful life through the hurt of a family member, friend, enemy, worker, student, companion, child, husband, wife, grandparent, etc. Does it make sense to let the people who hurt you continue to destroy your own happiness? Why are you wasting your own precious time that God has given you to worry about what others say/act/speak, etc. All in all, if you are one to left worrying about the person who has hurt you or inflicted pain on you (and we have all worried about it) deep down you are letting them control you (in a very weird sense, of course). But it is the truth.

Think about it. You are left worrying about what someone else thinks and says. Gossip and lies. All the lies. If you know that the gossip, the rumors, and the lies are false, why waste your time defending and backing up yourself? Only ONE person (besides yourself) knows the God given truth, and that is God himself. Only one person has the opportunity to make judgments and opinions, and go ahead... guess who that is. So why do we as humans think it is ok to run our mouths and continue hurting others to make ourselves look better on the outside? Are we really hurt that deep inside that we have to change contexts and go to the extent of making others feel bad and destroy the names of others (let alone your own family, your own friends)? Who are we to judge others and make judgments on others? It is something that is so hard for our society to grasp yet so taken advantage of. It's something I myself have been struggling with for a very long time. And I haven't yet figured out an outcome that has worked because I have seen too many people in my life hurt through the influence of family members and friends. And it continues bothering me.

The only advice that I can give you is one that my dearly respected and loved mother has always given me- "only you can control your happiness." It is your duty and yours only to determine your happiness, your anger, your frustration, your pain, your hurt. So what are you going to do with it? Lets all try and make the world a better place- forget the past, move on with your future, forgive & forget, and choose love; not hate. Because in the end, only you can determine your own happiness.

With love,

Catherine

pup love

Ok, so a lot has happened since the last time I last blogged. And I feel like I start off blogging this way most of the time, sorry I'm going to have to get use to blogging but anywayyyy  I AM GOING TO KENYA IN JULY!!! Praise the Lord!! Thank you Jesus for blessing me and show me according to my way. A lot of you followers know that the kids in Ghana have my heart and as I was talking to my good sister and friend Audrey, I told her that I think its selfish of me to want to go to Ghana because its where I want to go, not necessarily where the Lord wants me to go and I don't know if I would be going to go for the wrong reasons. It weighed heavily on my heart. and she prayed for me a lot. The Lord opened up his doors for me to go to Kenya, and it would be selfish of me to deny my calling. So here I am, traveling to the other side of Africa... kenya! And Lord knows it will be an adventure. If you are interested in sponsorship, please please let me know! I still have about 2,500$ left to go and need all your help... along with all the prayers as the Lord prepares my heart spiritually and emotionally.

Here we go.... I got the call (or two) Sunday morning around 9. I was sleepin in just enough to make it in time for 11:00 service at church. I called Aunt Caroline back. She was crying. Its just so sad Catherine its just so sad. What I kept yelling. She told me they had to put heidi to sleep. Little heidi. my little baby. Holding back the tears and barely breathing, I listened to her as she went on to tell me a dog had attacked her and she found her lying on the porch in blood. They rushed her to the vet, two options- surgery or put her down. The vet assured Aunt Caroline that heidi was too weak and had already lost a lot of blood, she was just in shock and it would be hard for her to undergo surgery. I got off the phone. I couldn't really walk. It was terrible. The worst news ever. Who could have ever thought you could be so upset and devastated over an animal? I sure was. I cried and cried all morning. I couldnt bring myself to make it to church. I was just too devastated! It couldn't be real. Is this really happening? Already twice in one year, just within three months, I've gotten the worst shocking unexpected news ever! It couldn't be happening again, especially not this soon... and my baby!

As you can see, from all the pictures of this baby lined up along my blogs, and all the pictures in my room, all the pictures of her on my facebook page and sure enough EVERY picture taken on my phone was basically... of her. We had plenty of photo shoots to say the less. Everyone knew how much I adored this dog. Seriously. People say I took care of her. She took care of me. Every time I saw her, she loved to see me. She was never mad at me and was there for me through everything. This may be weird or strange to some people, but this dog was in deed my best friend. She followed me around, she slept with me, she would sit at the back door and cry when I would leave my house, she went on plenty of vacations to Memphis to visit me, she couldn't even stand being apart from me that she jumped in the shower once just to be with me! This dog literally made me happy. Yes, she was not my dog but she grew into be my best friend. And I miss this best friend so much right now. I loved this dog so much that I even would find rides for her left and right to get from West Point to Memphis, and go back.... (I'm sure my friends got annoyed with me asking all the time to pick her up and bring her home... sowwy friends) 

At sunday lunch we said a prayer for Heidi. As I was sitting in class tonight my phone rang. It was hunter. I had forgotten I had set all the Atkins' familys pictures when they call me to Heidi. the phone rang and rang displaying her picture. In the middle of an astronomy lecture I sat in my chair crying. Today I have found myself questioning all sorts of things. See, Heidi was suppose to stay with me this week while they were out of town. My friend Lindsey was suppose to bring heidi here on Thursday and she was suppose to go back a week and a few days later. What if Lindsey had brought her here? What if Heidi was here with me, in memphis like the original plan? What if they had found her on the porch earlier? What if what if what if. I have beat myself up all day with these what ifs. I have beat myself up saying I should have been there for her. I should have been the one to find her and take her to the vet, why didnt they do surgery on her? I would have been the one to spend the night in the hospital with her, do whatever I could for her. Every time I did something she liked, she would lick my hands. As much as I hated that I wish so bad that I could have been the one to wrap her up and take her to the vet just rubbing her face while she was licking me. Knowing she was comforted and I was there. I'm so mad at myself that I wasn't there. I know shes not technically mine, and people may not understand any of this, but Heidi and I had a little connection. We just got each other. Maybe thats why she followed me around so much.

Funny story... over the summer I begged my mom for Heidi to come stay with us for a week or so. She said no. no no no all I heard. So while she went to Las Vegas and I had the house to myself for a week I decided it was time for Heidi to try out city life and sure enough me and lauren trecked down to WP and picked her up. Mom got home a few days later came in my room and found heidi on my bed. she was not happy. she yelled and yelled and yelled. she even called aunt caroline once and kinda let her have it. heidi only wanted a vacation, i mean it was summer after all wasnt it? that night i had to go to work, after my mom bickered and yelled about heidi I walked in the door to see heidi laying in my moms lap and my mom just rubbing and loving on her. See she does like having heidi around. She started getting use to heidi and when I went on a church retreat a couple weeks ago and heidi had to be left alone for the weekend at the house with mom and mike, mom said she loved having her there. She followed mike around and mike did everything for her. I even walked inside one afternoon, questioning why heidi wasn't at the back door waiting for me to get home. i asked mom where heidi was she said shes in her room taking a nap with mike. sure enough heidi was propped up in that bed sharing a pillow with mike. Mom joked around and told me not to tell anyone. I don't think she wanted aunt caroline to know she really liked having heidi around after she spend just 30 minutes with her. 

Proof:

mom loved heidi.

I can't stop thinking about her. I can't stop thinking about what if she was here with me right now. I can't stop reliving the memories with her. I miss her being propped up in my bed right now. I feel like I've let her down but I know in the long run that dog was spoiled rotten. I did everything for her and I know we let her live a great life. I want to thank Aunt Caroline and the rest of the Atkins for letting me be a part of that dogs life and I want to thank them for allowing her many vacations spent in Memphis. I know and I am sure that she had lots of adventurous vacations and she better be coming back to Memphis to check up on things wishing she were here. I never ever in a million years thought that I could be this upset over a dog. But this dog wasn't just a dog, she was my best friend. And this is hard... but shes up in heaven waggin her stuff right now and i sure do miss you my heidiho!! 

just to remise the good times we had together....

miss you sweet thang!!! 

a tough day on a beautiful one

A tough day on a beautiful one...

Sorry it has been a while since I have last blogged to all my followers- I have just had the urge to blog tonight. Many of you have already received news of my Papa Jim's passing last night. His 83rd birthday is today! It is hard to be happy on such a beautiful day but the Lord is slowly pulling me through this storm and without him I do not think I would be able to survive through this sudden nightmare. I haven't really wanted to talk to anyone since I've heard the news but talking with friends and family always helps. Thats one of my weaknesses that I need to work on. Please pray for communication and strength. Papa Jim was one of the liveliest people I have ever met. I looked up to him. He had a lot of my dad in him and being with Papa Jim was like being with my dad. I can't even begin to tell you of my hurt since hearing of his passing last night. Its a sad sad thing. To be so shocked at such a sudden death. Papa Jim was in great health! I mean GREAT health when I say it. He got up before sunrise every morning and walked. He was the happiest man and lived life to the fullest I can bet you that. Never in a million years would I have expected him to die of heart failure. I think this is so hard for me because we had just started getting really close. I talked to him once a week, he gave me advice on so much, and we formed a great relationship right at the end. One thing I regret is not spending enough time. But theres never enough time, is there. I have learned today how fragile life really is. I have been living knowing this but it has not really hit me this hard until last night. I was young when my dad passed away so in a sense this is about as hard as when I was 12. All of the memories of grief and pain are revisiting me.

I talked to Papa Jim on Monday night around 7:00 after one of my night classes. I could hear his face light up when he heard my voice. He loved it when I called :)  We talked for about 30 minutes and I had told him that I wanted to come up with Marcus one of these weekends we didn't have anything going on. He got so happy. He loved spending time with me and Marcus, and I just know he wanted to do it so much more often. He told me he had been really tired but went to the Doctor that morning and they said everything was fine. Papa Jim never complains. about anything. I just jokingly said ah yeah its just the Monday night tiredness just eat some of that soup and get on to bed. Little did I know this would be his last Monday night. And through his tiredness and weakness, he was happy. We talked about a lot of stuff, I specifically remember talking about the snow and he was saying how beautiful it was I asked did you get to go out and build a snowman? Man I sure do miss that loud laugh of his. I can hear him right now saying "you bet" and laughing up a storm. We talked about the house next door that he had bought, redone, and finished. He was so impressed with that house. When I visited him sometime in September/October he was telling me he bought it because he wanted to be responsible for the new family addition to the neighborhood. He saw a dog in the backyard, a nice couple and a few kids running around. Thats what he loved. He loved company. He told me he had not sold it yet, there had been some people looking at it but he thinks they were scared of the price and no one had made him an offer on it yet. He really wanted that house to be sold by the new year. But his calm voice just told me on Monday I'm not even worried about it Catherine, I know we'll get some good people in there soon. I have adored everyone who has looked at it. Last night while I was talking to Aunt Deb on the phone we were talking about the house. I said I'm sad that he didn't get to see anyone move in. She said as a matter of fact there was a lady in the house today for about two hours. I think she seemed pretty interested. Crazy how God works, huh. Please pray for a nice family to move in next door to Papa Jim so we can keep his dreams a reality.

Christmas 2002 my dad had given Papa Jim tickets to the Masters in April 2003 for them to go together. Papa Jim said he wanted to do that before he died. So my dad made it happen. Unfortunately my dad passed away April 3, 2003 so Papa Jim was unable to live his dream at the Masters with my dad. Uncle Johnny, who my dad had gotten the tickets from, said that whenever Papa Jim wanted to go to the Masters to just call him up and he will set him and Marcus up with a set of tickets. Papa Jim wrote to Uncle Johnny and explained to him that he wanted to take Marcus to the Masters with him in 2011. It was just a month or so before the Masters and Uncle Johnny said why don't I just give you guys tickets for this April 2010? Papa Jim took Marcus to the Masters April 2010. What a blessing it was for Uncle Johnny to get them those tickets for last year, because Papa Jim just wouldn't have made it in 2011. Now how GREAT is our God, another reassuring moment right there :) Papa Jim got to live his dream and I know Marcus will treasure those memories forever.

I wish there had been more time and I miss Papa Jim so very much I texted him at 11 pm last night and said "One more hour until your BIRTHDAY.... sorry if this wakes you up... will call you tomorrow :) lots of love!!!" About 20 minutes later my mom had walked in the door crying and told me Papa Jim had died driving home from work and he had a heart attack and ran off the road. I didn't believe her and kept saying are you sure how do you know ... I just didn't want to believe it. I tried calling Papa Jim when I got into my room but he didn't answer. Last night was hard. So is tonight. I have just been wanting to talk to him all day. I miss him. But thats me just being selfish. I know that he probably had one of the best birthdays today celebrating with Grandma Veda and dad... I know he was so happy to see them. Papa Jim never feared death and I know he never feared it because he was excited to be with dad and grandma Veda again and I know they opened him with big open arms last night just before they could all celebrate his birthday together... and that gives me strength, warmth, and hope. I tried to reflect on life and remember him today on his birthday and it was just so hard. It was so beautiful out today- going from snowy weather to being in the 70s in January and I just couldn't find peace. I am trying to seek God in the difficult times, but its hard to do, especially when I am being selfish. I just miss my Papa Jim and really want to have one more conversation with him. 

Papa Jim was a dreamer and a man who lived his dreams. He got out there and experienced life and thats what I love about him. His compassion to everyone gives me encouragement and helps me spread compassion. I know my life will be better because of this man. And all I can do is thank God for the time I was able to spend with him and what a blessing he was to be in my life for as long as he was. I can surely thank the wonderful God for that! Its a blessing that I was able to call him when I did and see him when I could. He was finally able to come to West Point and see my dads favorite place (I know he talked a lot to Papa Jim about this)- Old Waverly! 

He was also able to come to my 19th birthday:

He got to see Marcus graduate from Highschool- 

And finally- he was able to spend time with us at Mom and Mikes wedding. I know he did it for me and Marcus because he said he knew we wanted him there with us. We sure did and we sure will cherish him being there for us forever. I love that about that man- he puts his grandkids first and their best interests at heart. He would do anything for us and I am so thankful that he had the opportunity to be there with us. Unfortunately this was the last time we got to see him, but I am so grateful that we did get to see him and spend time with him. Although he spent more time in his car driving to MS than he did at the wedding, I am happy to have the memories and the time. Time is fragile. 

Papa Jim has lived his dreams and has done what he has wanted to do. He sure has inspired me to dream big and to go after my dreams thats for sure, and thats what I am going to do from here on out in memory of such a great man- I am going to go after my dreams until they become a reality :) Hes seen hes experienced hes lived and hes now in a place with no pain while we are the ones left hurting for him. Please pray for me, my brother, my mom, Uncle Jimmy, Aunt Barbara, Aunt Deb, Uncle Chris, Sarah, Jason, and all other friends and family of Papa Jim who are hurting from the loss of such a special man. We are so blessed to have had the time we did with him and it is so easy for us to forget that. So I pray that through our mourning and our loss, we can reflect, rejoice and celebrate the life of our one and only Papa Jim! 

Happy 83rd birthday today, I love you!

back home- missing everything

I think thats what I labeled my title last year when I arrived home from Ghana "back home- missing everything" 

But its true. its so true. I can't even wrap my mind around it. And its even harder trying to explain my experience with people, especially people who don't understand. Its a God thing really, and I guess people just don't understand this. This is my calling and I have been called to go to Ghana, or else I simply would not be going. Its as simple and easy as that. When I try and tell my family and mom that I am going back again over the summer they just kinda look at me and are like do what? Catherine, you can't just go back just as easy as that. And I know its not just as easy as that. What is as easy as that? Nothing is but when you are suppose to go somewhere and are suppose to be doing something, then God will provide. Because God is faithful. I guess its just something they don't understand and its hard for them to grasp. But I pray that my family will continue to support me and lift me up rather than question me and doubt me. Because this is my calling, and it would be selfish for me to deny my own calling from my own creator. With that being said, I hope this blog will somehow startle your minds and open your eyes and your ears to our world around us. Because it is not all fun and games on the outside, but God is there in the midst of it all. 

As much as I love being home with my friends and family; I cannot stop thinking about life in Africa and all the kids. Life is so different, and its hard to say that I like being over there more than I do over here. We can inform people and encourage them on the circumstances which surround us, but they will not open their eyes to the beauty until they have accepted God and start their walk with Him. I honestly do not think you can be happy without God in your life. I've been talking with my good sister Audrey a lot, and we are both just having a really hard time getting back into this culture and struggling with being home. As much as we try and explain to our family and friends about our trip, they just won't understand like we do, and they just won't realize until they have experienced what we have experienced. Its a very hard thing to try to explain something to someone when they just haven't had the same experience as you. At one point Audrey and I were joking around saying that when we get home we're just going to have to hand our journals to our families and say here just read and maybe you'll understand. Its just a really hard thing to understand. 

I'm just going to read a little from what I have written in my journal during my stay in Ghana:

December 15, 2010:

As we were driving through town today going to the orphanage, I saw so much poverty. Not just any kind of poverty but poverty to the extreme, it opened my eyes. I don't know if it was just Gods grace or what but we drove through that part of town everyday last year and I saw the same stuff today as I did over the summer but it occured to me this morning that in the middle of it all, all of the poverty, that God was right there in the center. A huge church stands firm and tall right in the center of it all. He is reminding us that everything will be absolutely okay, for he has put us through all of our sufferings. I found that church standing there today to be so comforting. I hope the Ghanaians find it as comforting as I have. Everything will be okay, and this brings me much hope :) 

December 16, 2010:

Tonight at dinner something horrible happened and startled our minds completely. Before dinner I talked to Kwami, Evance, and Richmond for a while. They told me they were hungry and they would meet us behind again where we ate dinner and we would feed them the rice and fish we had left over from dinner. Kwami, 8, told me the rice was very good last night. At dinner, once again, Adam filled up a huge waterbottle filled with rice and fish and passed it through the fence. They ate it right by the fence by the table where we sat so we could watch them through the holes. not but 15 minutes later we heard loud screams and they screamed Adam, Adam. We looked through, Adam ran over to the fence and yelled. There was a man beating the kids and they were screaming back we didn't do anything to this man! Adam was literally about to jump the fence he was yelling leave them leave them. It was probably one of the worst things ever and I didn't even see what happened. All I could think about were those poor poor boys. They were just hungry. 

December 19, 2010:

Today after church Kwami was walking back with me holding my hand. He put my hand on his stomach and just said hungry. It broke my heart. I tried to make the situation better by tickling him and saying is your tummy hungry is your tummy hungry to try and make him laugh but I was breaking inside and I could only imagine what he was feeling inside. Even through his laughter on the outside, I knew he was hurting on the inside. I told him I would get him food and not to worry because Jesus was with him through everything and he would understand this soon. We got back to our hotel and I decided to lay down for a little while before lunch. About 5 minutes later Audrey came into my room and said Kwami was outside the back fence asking for me and saying he was hungry. Theres been lots of talk as to where the food is going and whos eating it and all that. Regardless, it is not fun to be a starving 8 year old asking a white man for food because you are hungry. Regardless they are starving. Someone is asking for food and why should I be eating in front of these starving little kids? I feel so guilty. So today before lunch me and Audrey went to the front gate to meet Kwami. I brought out some peanuts and she brought out some candy. I was pouring some peanuts in his hands and he was putting them all in his pocket. His whole little pocket was filled with peanuts. Thoughts were running through my head. Was someone asking him to get food from us and taking advantage of him? Or was he so hungry that he was going to just save them for later, for after we left, when he ran out of food and was more starving than he was now. Whatever the case, I was feeling for him and my heart broke for this poor brother of mine. A couple of nights ago Kwami took all the rice from his brothers at dinner when we gave them the waterbottle filled with rice. So today when we were outside giving Kwami peanuts and he was putting them in his pockets I looked at Audrey and said somethings not right. I looked in Kwamis eyes and said Kwami remember that night you took all the rice from your brothers? He nodded. I said who ate that rice? He said nothing. I said did you eat that rice? He nodded.Because you were hungry? More nodding. Not even seconds later, mouth filled with peanuts, he was crying his eyes out. I was on my knees staring in the eyes of an 8 year old in Africa who was trying to tell us something but he was too scared. I said, trying to hold my tears back but it wasn't working, Kwami is someone being mean to you? He said I can't say. Audrey said Kwami you can tell us because we need to help you ok? He said ok but still wouldn't say anything. We said is your uncle mean to you? He, still crying hysterically, nodded his head. Trying to understand the situation and what he was saying, it just didn't matter. It didn't matter who was eating the food it didnt matter that they could barely speak English. It didnt matter what their living situation was or what their family background was. None of that mattered why were we wasting our time trying to figure it all out? What did matter was that this malnurished starving 8 year old in Africa was hungry. And it was my duty, from the Lord, to give him food. Regardless of who says waht and who (if anyone) asks him to get food from us, I will continue feeding him with the word of Christ along with food. Because it is obvious to me that he is hungry. It is embarrasing and shameful first off to even ask someone you barely know and can barely understand for food. So theres no doubt in my mind that he is hungry. 

Lord, thank you for breaking me so that I can grow. Thank you for opening my eyes and making me aware. It shouldn't have taken 20 years for me to realize everything wasn't perfect in the world. Thank you for giving me this awareness and this calling to help your children and my brothers and sisters. I pray that I will inspire others to raise awareness and support for our brothers and sisters suffering like Kwami, Evance, and Richmond around the world. I pray that I will be able to see my brothers once again and I think about them daily. My heart is broken and waiting for you to heal. Thank you for breaking me.